The Spirit Thief by Rachel Aaron
In the opening scene of The Spirit Thief (2010), Rachel Aaron’s charming debut novel, the notorious thief Eli Monpress is trying to escape from the royal dungeon of Mellinor. Since he’s not just a thief but also a wizard, he does this by quite literally trying to charm the dungeon’s door into opening: not by casting a spell on it, but rather by persuading, cajoling and wheedling it into letting him through, explaining that it really would be much better off without those annoying nails keeping it together (which results in the memorable line “Indecision is the bane of all hardwoods.”).
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Narrated by Samuel L. Jackson....
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"Goodnight F***ing Moon?" Hahahahahahahaha!
Your intro had me laughing my f***ing a** off! Especially the Caterpillar!
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