What if the world I knew came to an end? What if millions of the undead began roaming the streets in a quest to fulfill their never-ending hunger? Let’s say this process occurred over a period of a week or two, so I had some time to prepare. What are the first things I would do? How could I get ready in just a few days for the oncoming zombie horde? Well, I’ll tell you.
First I would head to the grocery store. Hopefully my hyper-awareness of an imminent zombie apocalypse would allow me to be one of the first to realize that things had gotten bad, and I’d be able to load up a couple months worth of non-perishable items. I would also empty the store garden center of seeds in case I had to stay some place for a long time. Once I had secured my food supply, I would head home to load up my wife and doggy. Doggies are essential, since everyone knows zombies hate them. My dog is a Puggle and not particularly fearsome, but he is plump and may make a good zombie snack. It could give me a few extra minutes to get away in an emergency… OK, I’m kidding. I already said zombies hate dogs; they’d never go for the Puggle snack trick. I’d need to find a cat instead — way more tasty to zombies.
Next on my list would be armaments. Guns, bats, dynamite, missiles, and anything else that can make a zombie head explode. Food, family, and weapons would be tightly packed into the SUV, and we’d head to my parents’ house out in the countryside to secure more weapons. Country folk are always armed — my parents are no different. I’d make sure my brother was on his way from Terre Haute with his arsenal, and we’d begin to inventory the ammo.
Last on my list, after food and firearms, would be fortifications. We’d block up every window and unnecessary door. If blocks are not available, then I’d board them up. I’d leave very few holes to see out of. Anywhere I can see out of, a zombie can see in. I’d rather avoid them than fight them. I would also need board games. I would have my family sealed in a house with me for an undetermined amount of time. They will be forced to succumb to my call for Monopoly at some point. There would be no “mush pot” in the middle for when you land on free parking. They’d have to earn their money through rent over several hours like the game is supposed to be played.
That’s my plan. The four F’s of zombie survival: Food, Family, Firearms, and Fortifications. One could argue that a good sword is actually better than a gun. I would agree in the long-term. Guns create noise which attracts zombies. In the initial days of the zombie apocalypse, speed is the most important thing. You need to get the hell away from wherever you are, and nothing is quicker at dispatching zombies than a bullet through the head. Once you establish a base and plan to stay there for awhile, then it might be wise to limit your gun usage to only emergencies.
So dear readers, what would you do to get ready for the zombie apocalypse? You don’t have to get as detailed as I did, but I’m curious if you’ve put any thought into it. Where would you go first? To the family farm like I did? Maybe you live in the big city and are completely screwed. Would you head for a military base, or possibly a university? You can also tell me what I missed.