Usually I come up with my own topics for this column, but I had a question posed to me by our reviewer Justin that actually made me snort I laughed so hard. Those are experiences that should be shared, and so I’m turning his question to you:
You’re dead. Your deity of choice has granted you a new life in any of the fantasy realms published to date. Which do you choose, and in what ways will it horribly disappoint you once you actually arrive there?
example: You arrive cold and naked in Narnia, and are immediately clubbed through the brain by a talking badger.
The answer that either makes me cry or shoot milk out my nose in laughter will earn the submitter a book of their choice off of our stacks!
As for me, I’d wake up in Valdemar, only to discover that I was a mage and would be driven crazy by all the little spying spirits if I stayed.
I’d wake up as a cat in one of the cat clans in Warrior and find out that I was allergic to cats.
OMG Ruth that would so be me. Or I’d arrive in Valdemar to discover I was allergic to horses/Companions!
But my other one would be arriving on Midkemia and finding out I was Tsurani.
I’d like to go to the Hyborian Age so I could hang with Conan, but when I get there he probably kick my butt and take my woman on account of me being a puny product of civilization and near-sighted to boot.
Hmmm. Maybe I could hang with him at drinkin’?…naw,, he’d beat me at that too.
I’d come back on the DYING EARTH and find out that Cugel the Clever is my nextdoor neighbor.
I’d come back to Pern only to discover that I was a kitchen drudge and never get to impress a dragon.
If I went to Hogwarts, I’d end up in Slytherin as one of Malfoy’s stooges girlfriends. Snogging with Goyle… I’d rather just stay dead. Thanks.
Thanks Ruth! I also imagined waking up in Xanth, spending 24 hrs of nonstop real life puns before it became too much and I jumped off the edge of the gap chasm.
I couldn’t handle 3 chapters in Xanth, so there’s no way I could spend a life there!
I’d go to Westeros, hang around for about 10 years waiting for something new to happen, then suddenly become an important and influential part of the world only days before being hacked apart by a wildling.
Just realized we never announced a winner for this one — sorry!
DONNA SMITH wins — you guys are all so funny!
Donna, contact Kat if you’d like a book from our stacks.