The Gathering Storm: Rename This Horrible Cover!

fantasy book reviews science fiction book reviewsEveryone’s talking about Tor’s upcoming release of The Wheel of Time: The Gathering Storm by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson.

Bill‘s got a copy in his hot little hands and we’ll be posting his review on October 27 at 12:01 am.

Meanwhile…. some of us aren’t too crazy about this cover art…

So, let’s have some fun with it! Can you suggest a BETTER title for a book with this cover? Put your title below. You may enter as many titles as you like. The winner (judged by Bill) will be announced on October 31 and will receive your choice of one of several books we’ve got in our stacks around here your very own brand new copy of The Gathering Storm (Thanks, Tor!).

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  1. I don’t know about titles. But I immediately started wondering what’s going through that guy’s head right now. Is it:

    “The hills are alive…with the sound of music!”


    “Why, curse you, why!? I just built this house!”


    “Next time, use the &%$@ing door!”

    Maybe someone else will have better luck.

  2. I was going to say, “Curse you Red Baron, Curse you and your kind, Curse the evil that causes all this unhappiness…” But I think I prefer,
    “Dear, when you’re through cursing God, do you think you could do something about our sagging house?”

  3. KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!: The Wrath of Rand

  4. anorthite /

    The Bad Breakup.
    Ok, I’m kidding. Just the hole, the ‘angst’….nevermind.

  5. The Dangers of Remodeling with Asteroids.

  6. I’m not eligible to win anything, but I thought of TO SUMMON THE THUNDER.

  7. As God is my witness, I’ll never channel while drunk on oosquai again!

  8. Hamlet’s Revenge

    Ye Olde Meth Lab

  9. We’re sorry we used the Source to toss you out, but Min, Avienda, and I have repeatedly told you not to wear that belt with your red tunic.

    No, darling, you’re supposed to cause a new Breaking of the World, not a Breaking of the Wood

  10. “Damn You! Damn You’s All To Hell”


    “The Man Has Brought Me Down For The Last Time”

    “I am coming for you, Thor- You are NOT the mighty God of Thunder”

  11. “Honey, I swear he was just a friend. Why did you have to blow up the house”

  12. The Fist of Doom

  13. I’ve only read the first one and 1/4 books in this series, so I’m just wondering: Is he supposed to be missing a hand?

  14. Justin Blazier /

    How to wield Explosive Flatulence Victoriously!


    Medieval Remodeling: You’re doing it wrong.


    Get off My Lawn: Story of one man’s struggles against troublesome pyromaniacal neighbors.

  15. How to catch a lightning bug.

    Dam Dragon!!!

    Six easy steps for putting a hobbit door in your house.

  16. I suggest Deliverance or The Final Stand. Thanks for having a fun contest like this. :)

  17. For this cover: “Rain, Dammit!”

    For the previous cover (for any of you who actually saw that horrid piece of garbage with Rand break dancing): “Rand Breaks It Down!”

  18. Damn it, how did that hole in the house happen?

  19. “ULTRAMAN!!”
    “WONDER TWIN POWERS — FORM OF effeminately dressed man”
    “Look, the first Snowflake of Winter, I got it!!!”
    “Medieval Metalheads Unite”

  20. My last post was more caption based, for a book title, consider the following.
    “Dressing effeminately, bring out the fem power from within!”
    “How to start the next medieval dance craze”
    “How to win a woman’s heart by using Mime”

  21. I’ve been trying to think of something, but I honestly can’t come up with anything funnier than the Red Baron one in the second comment.

  22. I think that the way rand is standing is rather funny
    the title could be something like

    “Farmer’s Frustration”
    ” Rand and the Cross dressing Shaytan”
    “Maiden and the painted brute”
    “Rand and the Giant Holer Mole”
    “Gone with the wind”
    “My fist for the dark one’s rear!”
    “My fist, your ass!”

  23. Summoning Thor’s Hammer
    Dawn of A New Age
    Strength of the Hand
    How to get the Woman
    Obscenities to the Gods
    Precipice of Good and Evil
    Powering Up For The Greater Good

  24. I know my vote doesn’t count for anything on this one, but I love Justin’s
    “How to wield explosive flatulence victoriously.” I could actually see this as the cover of that self help book.SB Frank

  25. “By The Power of Greyskull!”
    “It’s Morphing Time!”
    Divine Fist
    Thor’s Apprentice

  26. “100 reasons why you should have not built your house on rails”

    Say-Say-Say-fty Da-Da-Da-Dance (Although the ones above are really, really good, like the Red Baron, Greyskull, and Wonder Twin REferences). TO SUMMON THUNDER is also a really good serious one!

  28. Congratulations to David:

    Bill’s favorite title is: KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!: The Wrath of Rand
    (runner up: Ye Olde Meth Lab)

    David, please contact me at kat[at]fantasyliterature[dot]com. Give me your mailing address and I’ll pass that on to those good-natured people at Tor who will send you a copy of The Gathering Storm.

    Too bad they can’t stick your title on it instead….

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