In the spirit of the Bad Hemingway, Faux Faulkner, and Bulwer-Lytton fiction contests, we would like to inaugurate our own bad fantasy contest. We call it THE GAME OF GROANS. Your task is to write an atrocious paragraph (or just a couple of sentences) of fantasy fiction. Something that really makes us groan!
To get you started, I dug into my files and pulled up an early draft of a novel I worked on in college. (Please be kind. I was young.):
If he had learned one thing toiling in the kitchens,
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