This week, the characters take over. The status update e-mail went out a little late this week, so… yep, time to pad the roster a bit.
Bigby: This week, some sort of magical kerfuffle took place. The Thirteenth Floor bunch seems to think it’s a big deal. All universes crashing chaotically into other at the same time. Various versions of reality and thousands of Fables from numerous corners of the cosmos trickling abruptly into dangerously close proximity. Very dramatic. Yep. You know what I call that? A Tuesday.
Frodo: You know, something occurred to me today. Gandalf says that when Bilbo left on my thirty-third birthday, my cousin said and did things that convinced him something “dark and deadly” was at work. Yet we didn’t get a move on until now — that’s seventeen years. Good heavens, Gandalf! What was he doing all that time? Just how many evil Rings are floating around, that he had to verify it all before deciding to take a trip to Mount Doom? Seems like we could’ve gotten this done so much more easily if we’d left before Sauron accumulated two or three armies between us and our goal. He’d better not have been just sitting about somewhere smoking.
Galadriel: My granddaughter has come to stay again, and I’m glad of it. Elrond doesn’t know what to do with the girl, clearly. He didn’t even see fit to invite her to his council. Good old “thinks-with-his-hair” Glorfindel was there, but not the elf-maiden who might very well be queen of Gondor. Brilliant strategy. In other news, Mithrandir finally has a new quest again, thank the Valar. He’s been sitting around and polluting Caras Galadhon with his rancid pipe smoke for what seems like an Age.
Harry: Got woken up at six today after someone prank-called me to ask how I liked being an Auror and whether I thought I should’ve ended up with Hermione. Sixth time this month. I’m getting so sick of this. It’s been years, people. Time to move on. Go find some woman named Everdeen who wears a braid and annoy her.
Kat: My goal (which I have met) for the last few years has been to read at least 150 books per year. This year I’ve read 20 so far, which puts me ahead (though many of these were short books). At this rate, I should be caught up with all the series I’ve started by the middle of 2017! This past week I read two more books by Charles Stross: Saturn’s Children, a fun romp through his post-human android-filled galaxy (same setting as Neptune’s Brood, which I reviewed last year), and Equoid, the Hugo-winning horror novella that’s part of his LAUNDRY FILESseries. I also read The Aylesford Skull, a novel in James P. Blaylock’s LANGDON ST. IVES / NARBONDO steampunk series. I liked, but didn’t love, each of these novels.
Jirel: It’s “slew.” Not “slayed.” Ten thousand times I hear this every day. “Slayed. I slayed the dragon. Have you slayed him yet, great hero? Oh, I’m so glad we’ve slayed the villain.” No no no no NO. I slew the dragon. I have slain him with a battleaxe. No one is going to take you seriously if you do one of two things as a hero: the first is messing up the grammar on your own job description, and the second is wearing a loincloth into battle by choice. Only an uneducated buffoon with all her brains in her gluteus maximus would do either.
Red Sonja: Yeah… well… you’re a cootieus whateverus. So there.
Richard: This week, I read Peter Pan. It’s about a boy who’s undoubtedly very clever, because he tells us all about how clever he is. “Oh, the cleverness of me!” he cries. I can relate. I too sometimes feel the awe at myself simply swelling up within, until I have to let it out. Oh, the perfection of me!
Supergirl: So apparently my cousin has some sort of new power now. Because clearly he wasn’t powerful enough before. I don’t know, I’ll believe it when I see it. He keeps talking about all these extra little doodads and gimmicks he’s developed by being Super-Zen or whatever, but nobody ever seems to get much concrete evidence of their usefulness (or existence). Apparently he can see souls, for example. You’d think that would be useful. I can’t see souls. No one else I know can see souls. But he’s Superman, so we all just kind of let it slide. Even if we sort of know it’s just a way for him to justify all his holier-than-thou.
Tim: This week I finally finished Poul Anderson‘s The Queen of Air and Darkness and Other Stories. Review to come. I also went through Jim Butcher‘s Proven Guilty on audiobook, and read Joseph Delaney‘s The Last Apprentice: Revenge of the Witch. With the movie coming out, it seemed the thing to do (though I’m not hearing that the film is particularly good).
Was I seriously the only person who sent in an update this week??? Wow, how pathetic! Well, I’m in good company. Go, Red Sonja!
I’m almost positive I sent one in. Maybe it got lost in transit. Or maybe I hallucinated it.
But it was a very funny status update :)
Yes, it was funny. Tim, you’re so entertaining! Which is why we keep you around.
I’m blaming a power outage for not sending mine in. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Sorry, I’m with Jirel on this one, although I admire Red Sonja’s sincerity.
Grrr. Didn’t hit send. Hate it when I do that. Here’s what I wrote:
This week I’ve been reading The Poser by Jacob Rubin, a story about a boy who can imitate anyone he meets almost instantly. It’s weird, wonderful, and puts a big smile on my face. I’ve also been reading Wonderbook by Jeff VanderMeer, his guide to writing SFF, and listening to The Raven by Sylvain Reynard, a paranormal romance set in Florence, with the Uffizi gallery as an important setting. I love Florence more than words can say, and this book uses its delicious setting well.